Then the ocean with its waves so vast, impossible to touch bottom, then a maze, then a mountain, then seasons, a natural disaster. Dont misread this, my mother was a loving woman, but she passed on this legacy, this painful legacy shed been burdened with, that women should take up as little space as possible, risk as little as possible, and hide our lights lest we make fools of ourselves. Kelly Corrigan, Author - Brief but Spectacular | PBS NewsHour I love your style and all your guests are fascinating to listen to with so much insight and knowledge. It is a good reminder for me that I can lean into what its like now because change is always acoming. Maya Shankars Plus One is Christy Warren, a former first responder with 25 years of experience in the field. When bestselling author Kelly Corrigan experienced the death of her dad and dear friend back-to-back, she couldnt shake the feeling that she wasnt living as gratefully as she wanted to. Onwards, but you use it so beautifully when youre talking about Lizs family and how they are now. I think we make life a little more interesting! What do we do when the labels were given arent necessarily the ones we choose for ourselves? This is an amazing story. I think thats cause we were always sort of fighting nearby. Kelly Corrigan:And how do we earn it? I mean, people are getting colon cancer at your age all the time. Take care, Onward, my dears. It offers so much grace to us all who are struggling to do better and be better. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Kareem means generous. Kelly Corrigan:Its like a game changer. What do you do when life doesnt fit into neat categories? I was also living only maybe 10 miles from my very old grandma who lived alone, and I kept kind of meaning to go visit her, but its a lot easier to show up at work every day at the United Way, and get kind of righteous about all the people who work for money versus the rest of us who are working for the greater good, than it is to go to your grandmas smelly, weird apartment, and have weird conversations with an 88-year old, you know? So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. You are in good company. Embed. I was so mad that I shook the cage a bit, that hamster eating its sibling. The ambiguity is quite isolating. Adjust the colors to reduce glare and give your eyes a break. Kellys guest is actress and author Constance Wu - you may know her from her roles in the breakthrough tv show Fresh Off the Boat and the blockbuster film Crazy, Rich Asians. Jennifer Garner tells Kelly Corrigan how she inspires others to find their true passions. No one understands what makes a character sing better than Michael Lewis. Mahra:Ive been singing these lines from a song by the Avett Brothers to my kids for years, and it goes like this. I have watched every episode on PBS and cannot get enough of the show Mrs Corrigan!!! You dont have to bring it all. Michael Lewis sends his thanks to Dr. Arthur White, a former history teacher at Isidore Newman School in New Orleans, Louisiana, for kicking him in class whenever hed fall asleep. Its not in my family. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live. Kelly Corrigan Wonders podcast - Listen online for free 00:35:25 - Annie Jean Baptiste in the Head of Product Inclusion at Google where she spends her time thinking about the products we use very day and how who's a RELATED LINKS Try this episode's happiness practice: 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness Read Kelly Corrigan's new book, Tell Me More Transcript Its so that they can identify some critical difference between you and them that makes them feel like they can exhale again. Kelly Corrigan:Now maybe Im going to go to Durham, and now maybe Im going to get my PhD in Divinity. Youre going to slide around, you know, youre going to deserve your life a little more some days than others. I guess everybody here, these children of mine and my husband, are just too damn busy to get on this, but Im not, so Ill do it, and then I was finishing, and I found a little pile of cut toenails on my kitchen table, and that. You could do worse than to live by that one. Team Everything Happens, Kate, Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Diane, Okay. Youre going to slide around, you know, youre going to deserve your life a little more some days than others. I dont have the genetic predisposition. Its the title of my memoir-still-in-progress. At a time when so much feels unex Kelly also hosts her own podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders, which she describes as a "place for people who like to laugh while they think." On the podcast, she tackles a different question every month in a series of weekly conversations with some of her favorite thinkers. Onward, my dears. Kelly Corrigan:And he said, Thats a way to be a parent, which is to say to be there, to be available, to be within view, but not necessarily inserting yourself, because even though as your kids get older and older, it feels like theyre looking for you less and less, it is sort of a comfort to glance over, and see you there, and feel you there, and they would most certainly notice if you werent. Kelly Corrigan:And then she died, and my dad called, and my dad had nothing but positive things to say to me my entire life, and he said, You should have gone to see your grandmother more. Kelly Corrigan:So, I say at the end of this chapter, Shouldnt loss change a person for the better? We have a lot to learn from you. Having interviewed Christy on her podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, Maya shares her story of being a female firefighter and her difficult decision to eventually prioritize her mental health over her job. Corrigan and her guests meander with insight and humor toward that inevitable moment when you think, "Exactly!" The Best Show with Tom Scharpling a day ago So, I grew up with this sentence with my fathers voice in my head saying, Allah Kareem, God is generous., Cheryl:Our family motto is, Dont eat a hamster. Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. I need to hear what your motto is. I didnt do it. I dont have the genetic predisposition. And Ive talked to a couple of my girlfriends whove gotten divorced, and they say the exact same thing happens to them. I was wrong. It just came out whole, and of course, to me its the most important and moving chapter in the book for sure. Absolutely enjoy these, the wisdom, the calm, the gentle reminder of our true reality and the essentiality of the connections we make and need to survive and help each other. Claire, Kilpy Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. So, maybe when life is chronic, we all need some sayings to anchor us, our very own mottos that guide us through. Kelly Corrigan:And it wasnt my turn for his attention. Kelly Corrigan Wonders on RadioPublic Kelly Corrigan:You cant be in the world, and get through your to-do list, and also sit in endless, rich gratitude. Thanks for sharing your personal motto. A Way to Make Work More Meaningful (The Science of Kate Bowler:You are someone who has gotten mixed up in all kinds of things, and I am so glad to know you. Kate Bowler:I dont think Ill like it, but I will think of you when I do it. I didnt make her final days one bit better, and I lived there for two years. Im sorry I didnt go see your mom. Thats not the same as saying I was wrong not to try to know her. Hosted by four-time New York Times bestselling author Kelly Corrigan, the show dives deep into each guest's life to pull out poignant lessons they hope others can use to find their own calling. Minds dont rest. I go, Oh, thank you for that bit of suggestion.. Its probably cause of something youve been eating. I absolutely love that phrase. Phrases like I dont know, I was wrong, and one of my favorites, Its like this. Kate Bowler:Absolutely. Hopefully youve continued to connect with Kate and Kellys books. Suddenly, just showing up was in question. Kelly Corrigan:I know, me too. Sadly, our family motto was, Youll pass in a crowd if the crowds big enough. My mothers mother didnt want her to get a swelled head, and she passed that down to us, her four daughters. Kate Bowler:Well I think part of it, and this gets to another phrase that you write about which is I dont know, but you and I, it sounds like, have given up on certainties as a way to cope with that, both having been through cancer, and also I think both realizing that people really dont like it when you say, I dont know.. Kelly Corrigan Full Transcript - Kate Bowler Id love to hear more about what this means to you. PBS is a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit organization. Kate Bowler: I'm Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. But I asked the doctor what the right term for me might be, and he said Survivor-in-progress, which was super annoying. She's a daughter who still mourns the loss of her dad, a mom to her amazing daughters, a wife to her fantastic husband, a sister, a good friend, and a woman trying her best to leave this world a better and a brighter one for future generations. Its all this cumulative effect of a thousand minuscule moments. You cant only experience deep gratitude at the toenails that you seriously wish someone else would have cut, because seriously, whos doing this around here? Weeks later, the missing hamster crawled out from under the stove. She's really just an overall great human being. For a special listener who was just diagnosed, here are some thoughts on the stages of recovery that I encourage you to share with every last person you know who is in treatment for anything. I didnt engage with her. Its probably cause of something youve been eating. Weekly dose of wonder: The glorious sounds of chickens : NPR That kind of belonging is transcendent, and you just feel it pop up in these little moments. The result is "Think Twice: Michael Jackson," a 10-part podcast from Audible and Wondery that will be available exclusively on Audible and Amazon Music on Thursday. Just do your best. This forgetting, this slide into smallness, this irritability in shame, this disorienting grief Its like this. Team Everything Happens, Kate, Kate Bowler:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:So, this was about all of these people calling me to say, I heard your friend died. Kelly Corrigan:Theres a thing Im aware of about eye contact between spouses, and you either make it, or you dont, and once youre aware that thats deeply meaningful, and that it has this kind of almost immeasurable, physiological effect on the other person, then you make an effort to look them in the eye, and that seems like such a small thing, but its actually definitional in terms of your relationship, in terms of whether its a good day, or a bad day, or a good interaction, or a bad interaction. Read more about this episode, and get show notes, here. Kelly Corrigan:And thats the truth. Then I wanted to get right with him, and urgently. Kelly Corrigan Wonders on Apple Podcasts I love you both so much and was tickled to hear you together. You cant live in that. It doesnt end, and also you cant live there. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. Kelly Corrigan:Im telling you what, man, you can not believe how much I use this, and you can not believe how still it is not my natural instinct. Kate Bowler:Oh friend. Take Care Kate, Im coming. Like the other day when I was being wheeled into a procedure, the nurse looked at my chart, and then casually said, Colon cancer. Kelly Corrigan:My friend Andy Lotts, who is Lizs husband, told me about it, cause hes a mom now, and so we talk mom talk. So, I kind of wondered if there was a motto youd pick for you for right now, what would it be? We had several hamsters in one cage, and they can be cannibalistic, and one morning a hamster was missing, and another hamster had a suspiciously large tummy. Team Everything Happens. To learn more about Tell Me More: Stories about the 12 Things Im Learning to Say, click here. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Over 50 & Flourishing with Dominique Sachse. Okay, but Im just telling you those kids are waking up every day without her, and theyre going to keep being without her forever. Team Everything Happens, Kate, I love that youre human- that you cry as easily as I do and that you say youre not normal as often as I do (me about myself of course!). Ill read you a little bit from the very end of that chapter because the thing that he was saying I think is, This is how it goes.. You surely know about hard times, and I love that you are continuing to show up every day. Kathy and her husband Tony have three children. And then right on the heels of that, I think, What would Liz do for this?. What a unique family motto! Hosted by Tom Scharpling and featuring celebrity guests, music, callers, and plenty of surprises, The Best Show streams live every Tuesday night on Twitch at 6pm PT and is available on your podcast apps the next day. You wrote about the end of words. Kelly Corrigan:So, I had to wait, and then finally we had a window, and I said, I was wrong. Kelly Corrigan:I sat at my dining room table, which is place I never write, and I thought, Oh my God, of course I know exactly what this is. One of the hardest things Ive been wrestling with is not having any clear language for this weird place between sick and healthy, weak and strong. Kelly Corrigan:And I should not lose my mind over a shirt I bought on final sale section that didnt fit even though I tried to pull it over myself, and then it got stuck on me, and I had to cut it off with scissors. Im sorry I didnt go see your mom. Thats not the same as saying I was wrong not to try to know her. Despair defies description. Kelly Corrigan:And thats the truth. Michael Murray on the Social Science of Faith Kelly Corrigan Wonders. You wrote about the end of words. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, thats where it is. More lessons learned. Ill definitely have to write this one down and bring it out on a particularly overwhelming day! The Big Short, Moneyball, Liars Poker, these stories stand for whole industries because Michael Lewis puts just the right protagonist in the center. Kelly Corrigan:Now maybe Im going to go to Durham, and now maybe Im going to get my PhD in Divinity. Kelly Corrigan:And it wasnt my turn for his attention. So, God is generous was my dads way of promising us a better future. We had several hamsters in one cage, and they can be cannibalistic, and one morning a hamster was missing, and another hamster had a suspiciously large tummy. Kelly Corrigan:Thats not a headline anybody wants to read. Were just a series of days and interactions. That kind of belonging is transcendent, and you just feel it pop up in these little moments. Okay, but Im just telling you those kids are waking up every day without her, and theyre going to keep being without her forever. Kelly kicks off a new series on BELIEF, delving into topics like the meaning of life, finding purpose, why faith, service and gratitude matter, and more with Dr. MIchael Murray, former Philosophy Professor and current President & CEO of the Arthur Vining Davis Foundations . What do you do when life doesnt fit into neat categories? Kelly Corrigan:I mean, unless youre a monk, and youre meditating for 60 days in a mountain somewhere. Yeah. Its not in my family. The reach of language can be laughable.. Kate Bowler:You are someone who has gotten mixed up in all kinds of things, and I am so glad to know you. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. Kate Bowler:Well, the one that we sort of settled on most was, Dont let the turkeys get you down, cause we were all deeply unpopular children, but it did make me think about mottos, and how it sort of defines the season that we live in. Touching on themes like self-belief, resilience, humility, and justice, this series normalizes the human condition and emphasizes our capacity to grow. Episode 3: How to Fall in Love with Anyone - Greater Good Minds dont rest. Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. She reflects on her love and loss through ordinary moments and everyday sayings. Constance Wu also thanks a past educator of hers, Mr. Frizzle. Kate Bowler:Well, your book has such a wonderful collection of phrases around essays, stuff like Tell me more, and you write about incredible things people can say when theyre figuring out the road ahead. We look forward to having you join in on future conversations! Her memoirs include " The Middle Place," and her first children's. I mean, I remember thinking, when I wasnt sure, when I was in an especially tough moment of illness, every time I would look at Zachs nails I would think, Is this what wouldve happened if I hadnt been here to do this? Kelly Corrigan:So, I just really went bananas, because on top of the shirt problem, I went downstairs to clean the kitchen, and I found everybodys bowls, and spoons, and cups, and I had that reaction that so many women have, which is, Well I guess Im the least busy. Kelly Corrigan:You know, that I had lost his favor for a moment, and I was just so ashamed. She died this morning, and I was just sick to my stomach. Ask the dancers, and the athletes, the painters, and musicians. I think earn is such a good word, because youre talking about such a complicated math. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast. We should thank the chef. I mean so far, knock on wood, Im getting to see my kids be much, much older than she got to see her kids be. Like, Today could be this day, well, you know, today I met you, now were friends, and who knows whats going to happen now? I think people think that if you have a diagnosis, or somethings happened to you that you should know because youre proof of it. Kelly Corrigan:I was perhaps proud about it honestly, and I was reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People at night with my big fat yellow highlighter, and I was really full of attachment to this identity that I had painted for myself. Allison Wohl: A Toast Women | Faith & Story Kelly Corrigan:So, I say at the end of this chapter, Shouldnt loss change a person for the better? In other words, it could happen to you tomorrow.. Lives dont last. Those ordinary consonants and vowels that, when strung together, offer meaning and points of entry for others. Kelly Corrigan:Ah, it was so terrible. You also realized there was incredible parenting magic in the phrase, Tell me more. So, what is this witchcraft you speak of? Yeah. Ask anyone who has participated in a moment of silence. Plus, we learn how the same technique can actually reduce racism and prejudice. Kelly Corrigan:So, my dad died in February, and then my friend Liz, whos the mother of three kids, 8, 10, and 12 at the time, died that December. Kate Bowler:Yeah, I believe you. Kelly Corrigan:One that Ive always liked is, Things happen when you leave the house. I think I like the sense of theres something out there that you can tap into. Kelly Corrigan:I never came up with any combination that came close to the feeling. So Kelly, welcome. Oh, The People You'll Know!. Graduations, diminished though they may Kelly reads everything from eulogies to retirement speeches and on February 19th, she . Shed do anything. Kelly Corrigan:Hey, thanks for having me. I was wrong not to try to ease her days in some way.. So much of what you both say resonates for me. I was also living only maybe 10 miles from my very old grandma who lived alone, and I kept kind of meaning to go visit her, but its a lot easier to show up at work every day at the United Way, and get kind of righteous about all the people who work for money versus the rest of us who are working for the greater good, than it is to go to your grandmas smelly, weird apartment, and have weird conversations with an 88-year old, you know? Kate Bowler:Well, the quote that really resonated with me is when you said, They are moving onward, not away from you, but with you. Maybe I dont have to be good, but I can try to be least a little better then Ive been so far., Riham:Our family motto is Allah Kareem. You know, like it wasnt me. Kelly Corrigan Wonders | iHeart Weeks later, the missing hamster crawled out from under the stove. So, I was wondering, would you mind reading that beautiful passage you wrote about after Liz died? So, I think things happen when you leave the house. I was wrong not to try to know her, and I could just see it in his face that it was like, Okay, you understand. For what Ive just seen in the last six months, I should be different. Tell Me More with Kelly Corrigan is a series that inspires, educates and entertains. Its a very learned thing that I have to insert the words into my mouth, and push them out deliberately, because my instinct is to solve. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:You dont always need such a plan, or an agenda, or whatever. Yeah. I was wrong, and that is very soothing, but then that took me back to this moment where I had gone to work for United Way after college, because I was going to save the world, and I was this total do-gooder. Im sorry to ask about the hard part, but would you mind telling me what happened? And you know, it was so weird, but dying was the easier part of it. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Theres a whole world out there happening, and you can step into all kinds of things, and you dont need to know why youre leaving the house. Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Her teams look to her for direction, but she wanted to see what would happen if she paused more to ask them questions, and found it totally changed her approach to both her work and family life. Kelly Corrigan:And I should not lose my mind over a shirt I bought on final sale section that didnt fit even though I tried to pull it over myself, and then it got stuck on me, and I had to cut it off with scissors. Kilpy So, maybe when life is chronic, we all need some sayings to anchor us, our very own mottos that guide us through. -Kilpy Yeah. This is me writing a letter to Liz, and I wrote the whole thing, and I cried my eyes out the whole time I was writing it, and wiping my nose, and blowing my nose, and sitting back down, and Edwards like, You all right? And Im like, Im all right. A phrase that I heard at a recent Pecha Kucha talk from a woman who had come through a terrible health crisis was Its like this now. Kelly Corrigan:Where you can feel the person kind of asking around, snooping just enough, and its not for your sake. One of the hardest things Ive been wrestling with is not having any clear language for this weird place between sick and healthy, weak and strong. Kelly Corrigan:So, this was about all of these people calling me to say, I heard your friend died. Kelly and Kate Bowler dive into that phrase so often offered up to explain bad stuff: "everything happens for a reason." Kate is a divinity professor at Duke University and the bestselling author of three books. Theyre poking for that critical difference to hold on to, and I wanna hug em, and say, I know. Thank you for adding to the number of not-normal, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat people in the world. She had ovarian cancer, so she had fought it for seven years, and it was the kind of thing where I felt like I urgently wanted to deserve my life. Kate Bowler:Today, I get a chance to talk to Kelly about some of her very best phrases. What do we do when the labels were given arent necessarily the ones we choose for ourselves? You wrote this book in a season of incredible loss.
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